Feeling overwhelmed and a little sad

So the Asia for Animals Conference in Singapore starts tomorrow and goes on till Monday evening. I so totally wanted to go, thinking i'd meet lots of passionate, like-minded people and learn tons more about animal welfare.. I even stopped eating meat last year in preparation for it.. i wanted to be more committed to the cause and not such an undisciplined loser. Plus I knew that all the food served at the 4 day event would be vegan. I've failed at vegetarianism so many times. Anyways SPCA Selangor people are going to or are already in Singapore for the conference and I can't go! I have too many fosters and pets right now! i was hoping that i'd be foster-free now, but i'm not and won't be for a while. So no AFA conference for me..

Then there's the upcoming reunion my childhood friends are having in Bangkok, the city where we all grew up and attended the international school. They'll all be there in the next week or so. I can't go! I miss them so much. I know I sound selfish but sometimes i just wish i had more time and money for me. I feel like i give up a lot for these animals and i don't see an end to it. I'm fighting a losing battle. Nothing I do makes even the tiniest dent in the stray overpopulation problem. They continue to reproduce exponentially in the streets and the cycle of suffering continues. I don't want to think about these things anymore but can't stop and sometimes i feel so sad about all the suffering, I wish i didn't care anymore. Why do i care? why can't i just happily go about my business instead of inflicting all this work and worry on myself.

Every year i tell myself that i'm going to slow down on the fostering and not stress myself out so much. Well that's not happening.. Whenever one animal is adopted, its almost always immediately replaced. Everywhere i go, whenever i'm driving, I cna't help but scan the roadsides for injured or sick animals. Its an obsession. I wish could drive with my eyes closed.