After a lot of procrastinating and excuses and planning and trying to control what i can't control, i finally decided to release Runty and Stubbs last night.. About 2 weeks past their release deadline i think and almost a month since they were spayed.. maybe longer.. I had sort of imagined that they would dash out of the carrier and just run for their lives and freedom when i brought them outside. but they didn't.. so now we sort of have a problem..
these two are too feral and scared of people to be pets.. but at the same time they are not quite feral and independent enough for the outside world i think.. they haven't been outside since they were taken away from their mother.. these two are such a unique case. their siblings were tamed and became sweet adoptable kittens but runty and stubbs just couldn't get used to people no matter what we did. now they're fearful adults who grew up indoors. but because they grew up indoors they are scared of the outdoors. and the reason why they spent so much time indoors is because i was trying to socialize them but failed miserably. fuck fuck fuck. i've got indoor ferals. what the fuck am i going to do.
last night i wrapped my hands in a large towel and put them one by one into the carrier. of course they hated my handling them that's why i needed the towel to protect myself. once in the carrier they started hissing and spitting of course. i brought the carrier outside and placed it on the ledge in the driveway where i feed daisy mama cat everyday. that ledge is a little feeding station i guess and sometimes daisy mama's stray friends romeo and tybalt drop by for a meal too. its high enough that the dogs can't bother cats up there eating and there's a tree next to it for shade and a little shelter. anyway once on the ledge all a cat would have to do to leave my yard is jump through a gap in the wall. i placed the carrier in front of the gap. i put food and water at the carrier entrance. then i opened the door backed off and waited.. and waited.. and waited.. no one came out of the carrier.. the two raging balls of fur i expected never came flying out of the carrier.. after three hours (around 1am already) we decided to call it quits and bring them back in the house. once they were back in the house they were bitchy of course and untouchable.
what should i do now? just keep bringing them out in the carrier every night until one day they want to explore? or continue with the taming process that has produced no results for months?