losing my sanity

yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster for me.. in the morning, gia passed away.. and that night, madeleine was adopted!! so last night i was a blubbering sack of tears and mood swings.. didn't help that i'm like pmsing as well. so this was me last night:

"YAY!! Maddie's got a family!!"
"Sob, sniffle.. But little Gia is dead.." *CURL UP INTO FETAL POSITION IN BED AND SOB*
"I miss Maddie so much already!" *CRY*
"Oh poor Molly will think Maddie abandoned her.. Molly will be lonely!" *MORE TEARS*
"The house is so empty without Maddie.. I miss her cutesy face.." *AND YET MORE TEARS*
"Yay!! The people that adopted Maddie are so nice!!" *SMILE*
"How can i celebrate for Maddie, when Gia is dead..." *CRY AGAIN*

i'm exhausted today. i have no emotions left. i think that's good. i need a little break from all that.

Pouring salt on my own wounds. Excellent.

Just went to the clinic to settle the bill. Then I asked to see her body. Why? Because I'm a fucking idiot that's why... Ended up having to rush out of the clinic in tears and crying all the way home. What the hell made me think that petting her corpse and saying goodbye would help? You'd think that after all these years of fostering I'd learn not to be such a dumbass.

Goodbye Gia

Its monday afternoon now. I brought my camera to work today thinking that i could visit Gia at the clinic and take some photos of her before heading home. Well that's not going to happen. The only thing i'll be doing at the clinic today is settling the bill. Gia is dead. She passed away this morning. Dr L called me a couple of hours of ago and told me. When my mobile rang and i saw it was the clinic calling, i had this stupid hope that they were going to tell me that she was awake and alert and asking for food. Well that was hopeful and stupid. Why would she have woken up today when she hasn't shown any sign of waking up since saturday?

I only have the photos i took of her friday night. She was facing away from me. I didn't want to disturb her slumber so I have no photos of her little face. If i knew she wasn't going to make it anyway I would've tried harder to get good shots. Sorry Gia. I suck.

I guess it was just too little too late for this poor baby. She was too weak. Could we have done better? Is there anything I should have done that first night I brought her home? What did I miss? Maybe I should've tried to get more food and more water into her. She was only 400 grams and 2 months old.. Luna and Rajah are also 2 months old, and they weigh almost 1 kilogram each. Argh i can't think about this right now. I will have two more fosters by the end of the day. The last two of the Sri Murni Ferals.. Stubbs and Runty.

general whining and moodiness

It's saturday night now. Little gia has been staying at the vets for 2 days already. There is no improvement in her condition whatsoever. When I saw her yesterday she was unresponsive and motionless again. I called the clinic today for an update and they said there's still no change. She woke up once but couldn't even stand. Dr L says we'll have to take it one day at a time and see if gia survives tomorrow. Dammit I was so sure that once she was on the IV drip thingy that she would get better. It was always like that with other sick kitties and pups before...

Also Maddie's bald butt isn't improving again. she's had treatment for flea allergy dermatitis but her fur didn't grow back. Now she's just finished a two week course of antifungal tablets and several medicated baths but her fur still isn't growing back. Her butt and thighs are all patchy. I really need her to be in perfect condition to meet potential adopters. What now? Back to the vet...

New Foster Kitten - Gia

hey all.. i have a new addition to my foster family.. a little siamese mix kitten i've decided to call Gia. She's about 2 months old. Seems like a sweetie. Beautiful with a cream colored coat, classic seal point markings and light blue eyes. She'll be highly adoptable.. if she survives.. :(

*HUGE, LOUD, LONG SIGH*

I found her yesterday when i was driving home from work. She was curled up in a little ball on the curb outside a roadside food stall frequented by indonesian construction workers. They had been trying to feed her fried fish but she was too sick to eat and they were happy when i picked her up and took her with me. her little body in my hands felt like a skeleton just covered in skin. her eyes were glued shut with discharge. her spindly legs and tail coated in diarrhea. she smelled really awful and was covered in fleas.

It was too late to go to the vet.. It's still chinese new year for another 10 days or so.. Some clinics won't open at all until next monday and others are only open half-day. So at 7pm yesterday, i had nowhere to bring her but home. I set her up in the downstairs bathroom because I don't actually have room for anymore fosters right now. Good thing I have a few extra litter boxes though!! The poor little thing constantly dripped watery feces.. I put hills prescription a/d in a dish for her and she licked at it but couldn't really eat. I managed to get about 10ml of water with glucose into her with a syringe and about 4 syringes full of a/d. she spat out the hi-vite drops.

I kept checking to see if she was breathing. Sometimes she seemed unconscious and was completely unresponsive. I figured she'd probably be dead when i woke up in the morning but she wasn't!! i felt such relief when i heard her meow through the bathroom door this morning!! anyway we were at the vet the second they opened this morning and she'll be staying there for a couple of days. Dr. J says Gia looks really really really bad but let's hope for the best ok? She's on an IV drip now and I hope that when i go see her after work, she'll be a little reenergized..

As an attempt at optimism, I'll include her name in the sidebar on the right under the "For Adoption Now" section.. I haven't taken any pictures of her yet. She looks like a corpse.